Notes From A Conversation...

My "friend" contacted me about the results of her review.  No bueno.

Rewind...A few months ago, there was a luncheon.  There was a discussion about a new team member.  So, there is an influx of "tall women" in our organization. #tallsversussmalls  #teamtall So, someone asked if the team member is tall.  Someone said the team member's name...You could infer that the team member was from India.

My "friend" blurted out, "Well, I guess she isn't tall!"  The entire table was appalled.  I'm talking pearl clutching, gasps, whispers, etc.  The "friend's" mortal enemy went off the deep end.  Of course, this incident was reported to management.

As a result of this incident, her review stated that she "always talks race..."

She shared this with me.  Of course, it wasn't her fault.  It was the fault of the mortal enemy for making it bigger than necessary...blah-blah-blah...blah-blah-blah.

This isn't the first time that she has said some "not cool shit."  I had to check her when she commented on the cleanliness of a co-worker's locs.  She wondered if the co-worker's scalp is clean.  *crickets*  I had to check her when she asked..."Your type of hair doesn't grow long...does it?"  In case you wondered, my response was "*confused, twisted face with a touch of WTF*...Well, I do get my hair cut every six weeks.  *DUH face*"

She wants to be witty, but it comes across as dumb and unaware.

Have I mentioned that she is trying to be promoted?  Have I mentioned that my organization is extremely multi-cultural and that our past two CEOs are from India?  The last thing you want is a reputation as insensitive.

She asked my opinion.  I was honest.  I told her that she DOES needs to be more accepting of subtle differences and that her life does not apply to everyone.  Just as she wouldn't ask a co-worker about her bindi or our sikh about his turban, she shouldn't ask black women about their hair.  She also needs to realize that jokes shouldn't be told in professional settings.  Also, Google is your friend.  If there is shit that you don't know...GOOGLE IT!

If I were in her shoes, I would appeal to my manager to remove it from my review.  I would ask for a verbal first warning.  Then go to "hi and bye" for all work-related interactions.  I didn't tell her any of that, she has to figure it out for herself.  Ultimately she is there to work and not to make friends or jokes.